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My Grinch’s List of Most Hated Christmas Music Part 1.

As if this picture doesn't make you hate it already.

As if this picture doesn’t make you hate it already.

 

Ah Christmas time is here again. It’s a magic time of lights, trees, decorations, shopping, food and of course, Christmas music. Now I love Christmas music. In fact I’m that guy that would play it all year round if I was allowed to, but let’s face, while most Christmas songs have something to offer, there are a few that the only thing they offer is to make us wish the Holidays were over so we don’t have to hear them anymore. In particular there are two songs I can’t stand that I have to listen to every year no matter how hard I try not to. So without delay I give you Part 1 of my Grinch’s Most Hated Christmas Music List.

Wham! – “Last Christmas” – The band that felt the need to bring punctuation into the greater consciousness of pop culture also felt the need to drop a colossal Reindeer turd. Seriously, Wham! is what my head does against the wall every time I hear this song. This is just a bad song, but considering George Michael’s other habits, what do you expect? It is also a logistical nightmare. Let’s examine these poignant and insightful lyrics about the importance of the birth of Christ and see why.

“Last Christmas
I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year
To save me from tears
I’ll give it to someone special”

So the way I read it. You chose to give your heart to somebody (other than Christ) and that person then re-gifts it, presumably to somebody else. Now this year you want to give your heart away to somebody you consider special (but given your track record your judgment of who is special may be called into question).  One problem. A third party now has your heart that was given away last year by the first person you gave it to. See the mess here?  This means that at some point during the year you had to find this third person and convince them to give your heart back to you. Of course, this is assuming they haven’t given it to yet a fourth party or sold it on the black market. Man, what a headache.

So thank you Wham! for giving us this hunk of coal in our stockings. Please, next year, to save us from tears, don’t write anymore Christmas songs.

PS. I am thinking of starting a Wham! cover band called Whack!

Up Next For Part 2: Christmas In Africa!

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