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Scientist Report Massive Island of Swag Forming in Pacific

Swag Island...here there be swag!

Swag Island…here there be swag!

Somewhere, Pacific Ocean, (AP) – Scientist have discovered a new island forming in the Pacific Ocean. The island, located roughly halfway between Midway and Guam, appears to have formed quickly within the last week.  Upon closer examination the new land mass appears to be made entirely of man made materials, such as paper, foam, cardboard. plastic bottles and bits of cloth. The debris has been identified as swag, a filthy material often used to lure nerds out of their basements to conventions, and Oceanographers have traced the current that carried it back to the San Diego area of Southern California.

The new island has left the scientific community in shock. “Traditionally, new land formations are only viable through volcanic activity over long periods of time,” says Dr. Alan Dupree of the Wake Island Pacific Rim Research Center. “The idea that a new island can form out of the unwanted left overs of nerd culture is, quite frankly, both amazing and horrifying.”

When asked to comment on it Aquaman, ruler of Atlantis and official spokesman of the seven seas, was quoted as saying, “this is irresponsible and typical of surface dwellers. However, I did find a pretty sweet Sharknado 3 bag in the mix.”

Tentative names for the island have included Swag Island and Swag Francisco. The island is growing rapidly and is expected to reach the size of the now infamous BP Gulf Coast oil spill before long. Surprisingly, it has quickly developed its own ecosystem, as birds, seals, turtles and fleas have begun inhabiting the island. Those downwind of the island have reported a sickening smell of stale sweat and body odor emanating from the land mass and at least one helicopter reportedly spotted what appeared to be a few zombie like humanoids waiting in a long line for something..

Despite this startling discovery, tensions are high as many Super Villains, including Magneto, C.O.B.R.A and Lex Luther have rushed to make their rightful claim to this new realm and establish their headquarters there.Alternately the new island is being considered as the future site of Comic Con.

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